Why I became a foster parent + New York Liberty fan
I’m a foster parent now, going on almost 4 years. Foster parents are not starters, we’re not a family’s first option. But when the primary parents foul out, foster parents are called in off the bench to step up and get in the game. Gotta stay ready! Here’s how WNBA basketball saved my life as a foster parent.
I needed a hobby that wasn’t foster care + my hero loved basketball
My whole life was foster care and I was dead inside and burnt to a crisp. I turned to my hero William Goldman for inspiration, and Bill was obsessed with the Knicks. He even skipped the Oscars when he was nominated for “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” to go a Knicks game 7 semifinals game (he won and the Knicks won, so good choices all around). If I can’t write like him, I can at least steal his hobbies. Enter the New York Liberty.
Basketball is an indoor sport, and the WNBA is an affordable environment
The WNBA is a SUMMER indoor activity that I can afford to take my whole family of 5 to—screaming and jumping encouraged. Kids love all the screaming, I love any environment where we’re not the loudest ones. I took my kids to games a lot to get our mind off things (pictures not included, they’re too precious for the internet).
FYI—I got into the W when it was still kinda affordable to go with your whole family—yes, that means PRE Caitlin Clark. Pre Dewanna and Alyssa engagement. After Mabrey was traded to Chicago and way before her trade to CT. After the wubble. Now prices are tripling but when I got into it, it was still for die-hards only and Caitlin hadn’t taken a trip to the NCAA finals yet.
In basketball, somebody wins and somebody loses
Unlike foster care, basketball has clear winners and losers. Did the ball go in the hoop? You get points! Unlike foster care where there is no score, no points, no one wins or loses, nobody wants to be there because the whole thing sucks to begin with. What would a win in foster care even look like? Finally getting a kid approved for services they needed and requested six months ago? Getting a final discharge—even though 50% of foster discharges end back up in the system? I NEEDED wins and losses that made sense and were easy to celebrate. Sabrina hitting the 3 at buzzer to win Finals Game 3? EASY WIN. Uncomplicated. Celebration encouraged.
I’m a bench mom, and I love the New York Liberty bench
Foster parents are “bench” parents. I’m not a starter and I’m not the first choice. But when a biological parent fouls out of the game, my number’s called up and I have to be ready. I love Stewie but I cannot relate to a lifetime of elite dominance. I can relate to Sherrod going undrafted and scrapping for the final roster spot, or Burke having the best attitude + biggest smile whether or not she plays—even to KT and her love of Papa Johns. I relate to Sloot going from a starter to a bench player with grace. I don’t have to put up huge numbers as a mom (an MVP mom in this metaphor has a clean house and well-behaved kids in matching socks). My kids are having fun, loved and well-fed, even if all the other stuff is hot or cold—I’m still a parent in the game. I’m still brave enough to be here and keep trying.
Win through defense + failure
This one’s important to me. There’s a lot of failure in foster care. There’s a lot of not knowing what to do, feeling incompetent and overwhelmed, having great intentions and then missing the shot by a mile. Betnijah Laney-Hamilton fought her way to a starting role in this league and on this team with her intense defense. Well, that’s foster care too: defense. Defending them from the system, from their trauma, from more trauma, from well-meaning nosy strangers, from overworked case planners, from school, and most of all, working on yourself so YOU don’t get a foul. I really have to take care of my kids and work on myself. A great shot percentage is 50%, but the average is 40% or lower—I’m still gonna miss most of my shots. I don’t know what I’m doing more than half the time. But I can always make it up on defense, with apologies, with repair, with reading and studying and watching film (ie, trauma-informed parenting TikToks as I scroll at 3am too wired with anxiety to sleep). Defense is connection to the team, protecting the team. And I can do that.
I love my kids. I love being a foster parent. And I love being a WNBA fan.