Writing is the Cause and Cure for Anxiety
Daily Cartoon at the New Yorker, Hilary Alison
WRITING MY WRITING DOWN, EPISODE 4
(post image: The New Yorker cartoon)
Writing gives me extreme anxiety, and it never goes away. I will do anything to avoid writing: the easiest temptations are social media, online shopping, cleaning my house, filling out my planner in colored pencil with time blocks for writing that come and go. Even meditating. I have a million meditation and calming apps downloaded, that of course I only use when it’s time to write and the anxiety threatens to drown me. Something comforting, is that I know I’m not alone. I attended the virtual Austin Film Festival 2020, and in a panel, writer Carly Wray of Mad Men and Watchmen said something similar!
She said, and I’m paraphrasing, “everyone gives you the advice “oh, just write every day.” And I couldn’t, I procrastinate, I’m just not good at the stuff that comes with writing, and it started to make me feel like maybe I wasn’t cut out for this. But I learned that it’s all just part of the job, and you are cut out for it.”
Carly, if I butchered your quote, write in and I will gladly correct myself! It was comforting to me to hear that lots of writers struggle, even advanced writers.
Writing makes me anxious for a few reasons.
I really, really want to be good at it. This is the main reason. I love writing, and I really want to be good at it and I want to succeed, artistically and professionally in a writing career. Those are high stakes! No sense pretending they don’t exist.
I base my self-worth on my writing, how much I’ve done recently, and how much other people like my recent work. I’m an actor, too, and I thrive on audience interaction. If I haven’t written recently, or finished anything in a while, I feel bad about myself; if I’ve finished or performed or produced something I’m proud of, I ride a momentary high. Being a writer is a core identity for me, and I base my self-worth on it, which I should move away from, but it is what it is.
Writing is personal, vulnerable, and makes me more fragile. If it’s a hard week, or a lot is going on in my personal life, I’m anxious to open myself up in my writing, because my writing is geared toward widespread public consumption— that’s the hope, anyway— and I don’t want judgment or criticism on my most fragile feelings. I know it SHOULD be, like Brenda Chapman said in her Austin Film Festival panel, “I write for myself first and for an audience second” — but that’s not me! I am hardwired by twenty-five years of performing experience to want audience feedback and affirmation. Changing this is a slow and painful process. I would love to write my carefree heart, feeling all safe and vulnerable, but I’m constantly thinking about the audience, the market, the intern who will read this and yay or nay before passing it on to a manager, even in the first draft, which kills creativity and breeds anxiety. Welp.
Writing is the cure for all of these things, and the only way to get over writing-specific anxiety is to write. That’s it, the only cure is to sit and turn everything else off and do it. Here are the things I do to overcome anxiety and get my butt in the chair.
I post about it on Twitter or Instagram. For example, I am writing this podcast episode finally because I announced on Twitter, I’m writing from 8-9pm who wants to join me? And a friend said yes, and now I don’t want to let her down.
I do a five minute meditation on an app. I like all the soothing voices and music. Also, I use the Calm app for my writing music— they have a whole Music section that’s got great, long repeating tracks meant to be background for Focus, Sleep, Relax, you get the idea. So I do a short meditation on Calm and then I turn on my writing music.
I use headphones. Headphones and a closed door help me focus. I also turn off the wifi and my phone, or if I need WiFi on for research, I use an app called Freedom to lock myself out of social media so I can’t waste time.
I decide on a treat! Usually it’s an episode of something I love.
Take ten deep breaths, stretch, and then jump in the water.
I don’t do all of those every time— you don’t want to get stuck in spending so much time on a pre-writing ritual that you don’t write. But I do employ one or two, because I get anxiety EVERY TIME I sit down to write something. It never goes away. You just get better at ignoring it and getting your job done.
Writing: a new pilot
Watching: The Austin Film Festival! And Miracle Workers on TBS.
Reading: The Comic Toolbox (Big recommend. Do the exercises for real.)
If you want to get your writing done, write it down. Follow on instagram & twitter @hellokathleenj, IG @writingmywritingdown, hellokathleenjones.com. Edited by the amazingly British, very talented Harrison Lewis. Tell him how much you love the subtle, yet spot-on, musical underscoring by tweeting him @harryjtl. Use the hashtags #writingmywritingdown and #writereadwatch to show me what you’re working on. I follow these hashtags and read and share every single post! Follow me on instagram, twitter, everywhere @hellokathleenj, this podcast is at @writingmywritingdown, and of course, if you’re feeling friendly, I would love it if you would leave a review. Special thanks to Ruby Hankey and Amie Cazel.