HOW TO HAVE A CHRONIC ILLNESS AND AN ARTS CAREER!!!!

Hello! I am Kathleen Jones, an expert in having a chronic illness and a flourishing career in the arts. I follow these simple rules for managing my health and career. If you just follow these guidelines too, everything in your life will be perfectly balanced and v fulfilling.

1. DON’T TELL ANYONE YOU HAVE CYSTIC FIBROSIS– I MEAN, AN ILLNESS.

Look, people are petty and don’t want to face their own mortality. Don’t freak people out by telling them about your illness. Also nobody wants to hire a sick person so keep it to yourself if you want to ever work again.

2. TELL PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR ILLNESS– PEOPLE ARE CHILL AND WILL TOTALLY WORK WITH YOU!

People can’t help you if you don’t ask. Nobody’s perfect! Just open up and let the Universe provide for you. But you can’t do that if you’re not vulnerable and get into your most intimate health details with every stage manager you meet.

3. IF YOU MUST TALK ABOUT YOUR ILLNESS, ONLY SPEAK ABOUT IT IN INSPIRATIONAL AND INSPIRING TONES.

Because you’re chronically ill, you know the password to the Meaning of Life. Share with your friends!

4. MAKE SURE EVERYONE KNOWS THAT YOU EXERCISE AND ONLY EAT KALE AND VITAMINS.

It’s not that craft services got all of your allergies wrong and you can’t eat anything. It’s that, You Are Health-Conscious and Your Body is a Temple. Having food allergies makes you a picky, sicky person. YUCK! Being Health-Conscious and On a Diet makes you a STAR.

5. HUSTLE FOR YOUR HEALTH.

Your health is the best investment you’ll ever make in your career. You’re sick or disabled or whatever. So what. Ignore the haters and make your awesome shit.